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Monday, August 25, 2008

"Don't Know Much" - Hilarious Obama Sam Cooke Parody Ad

Beijing Olympics 2008- The Full REVIEW with PICS

Gold Silver Bronze Total
1.China 51 21 28 100
2.United States 36 38 36 110
3.Russian Fed 23 21 28 72

Shoutout to Dara Torres: The best 40 plus swimmer on the Planet

August 6, Day 1

Shhhhh. The Olympics started before the Opening Ceremonies, with the women's soccer tournament kicking off, Norwegian striker Leni Larsen Kaurin's two-minute goal in Norway's 2-0 victory over the Athens 2004 gold medalist, the United States was the fastest-ever goal in the Women's Olympic Soccer Tournament.

The 0-0 draw between 2007 World Cup champion and runner-up, Germany and Brazil, put them equal at soccer place in their group

August 7, Day 2

The Men's soccer tournament kicked off on this day, as the United States men started off much better than their female counterparts with a 1-0 win over Japan. Stuart Holden of the Major League Soccer champions Houston Dynamo scored in the 47th minute for the game's lone goal.

August 8, Day 3- The Opening Ceremonies

The 4 + hour epic spoke for itself.

August 9, Day 4

Katerina Emmons of the Czech Republic won the first gold of the Beijing Olympic Games when she won the Women's 10 meter Air Rifle

Samuel Sanchez of Spain won the Men's Cycling Road Race. A race in which the pollution over in China played a role (and probably the last role)in these Olympic Games, with 53 riders withdrawing from the race.

And Nike's "Redeem Team" began their journey to actually be a "Redeem Team" with a 101-70 victory over the host nation China in an electric atmosphere to say the least. Great to hear the NBA on NBC music, though it was sickening then to hear it in the WHOLE FREAKIN TOURNAMENT.

August 10, Day 5

Italian Matteo Tagliariol outpointed France's Fabrice Jeannet 15-9 to win the Men's Individual Epee gold medal at the Beijing Olympics Games.

Michael Phelps began his historic quest with his victory in the 400 meter Individual Medley. It would be the first of 8 for Phelps, as he sets a new world record in that event.

Australian new darling Stephanie Rice showed why she has earned that recognition, winning the first of her multiple medals while claiming goal in a new world record performance in the 400 meter Individual Medley.

August 11, Day 6

Arguably "The Most Dramatic, Happy to be American, not only by the Phelps love" moment of the Olympics. After French swimmer Alain Bernard said his country would crush the Americans, Jason Lezak came from behind and out touched the overconfident Bernard to give the United States gold in the 4 X 100 meter freestyle relay. This gave Phelps a real shot to go 8 for 8, and it humbled Bernard (who would later win gold in the 100 meter freestyle).

August 12, Day 7

China dominated Men's Gymnastics, winning the team Gold with a total of 286.125 points. Japan won the sliver medal while the United States claimed the bronze. the third place for the States was an improbable result considering that they didn't have either of the Hamm brothers.

August 13, Day 8

Sa Jaeg-youk of the Korea Republic lifted a total of 366 kilograms to win the men's 77kg weightliifting category ahead of Li Hongli of China.

Chinese women gymastics scored a winning total of 188.900 points to take the Women's Team gold medal. The United States finsihed second and Romania third. Questions of whether the U.S. hasn't stop -bitching- complaining over Chinese rivals' ages hasn't been determined yet.

August 14, Day 9

Thankfully for NBC's sake, Nastia Liukin and Shawne Johnson finished one-two in the -girls- Women's all around gymnastics final. Could you have imagined what NBC and their -cheerleaders- "gym analysts" would have soundede if either Liukin or Johnson didn't win? LMAO!

Cuba's Mijain Lopez beat Russia's Khasan Baroev to win the Men's Greco-Roman 120kg gold medal at the Beijing Olympics Games here on Thursday.

Baroev took sliver. Lithuania's Mindaugas Mizgaitis and Armenia's Yuri Patrikeev finished tired for third.

It was upset day at the Olympic tennis tournament, as Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Venus Williams all crashed out the 14th of August. The new former world number one Swiss dropped result for the first time ever to American James Blake 6-3, 7-6 (3). Serena Williams lost to Elena Dementieva of Russia in three sets after being two games away from a straight set victory. And in the match of the night, Na Li of China used the crowd support to channel her biggest victory of her up and down career, defeating the five time Wimbledon champion 7-5, 7-5.

And talk about boneheaded: With the United States on the verge of qualifying for the quarterfinal stage of the Olympic soccer tournament, left ball michael Oronzco produced a moment that may never have him on any men's soccer team forever. His 4th minute red card elbow into his Nigerian opponent's chest was a major reason for the team's crushing 2-1 defeat to the Super Eagles, who ended up with the sliver medal at tournament's end. From first place in the group to bitter elimination, it was another underachieving result for Peter Nowak side, who was also hurt with the suspension of Freddy Adu and Michael Bradley due to yellow card accumulation.

August 15, Day 10

Michael Phelps won his 6th medal with another world record performance, this time in the 200 meters Individual Medley.

The athletics competition began on this day (or track and field as we call it in America). In disappointing fashion, the United States failed to win gold again in the shot put, an event where they arguably have the best three throwers in the world in terms of talent wise. The U.S. was expected to sweep the podium coming in, but instead, Tomasz Majewski of Poland tossed 21.51 meters to get the men's shot put gold medal on August 15 at the Bird's Nest. These disappointing to say the least results in the shot put were a voodoo sign of things to come for the USATF's efforts in Beijing.

August 16, Day 11

It was the start of his destiny. With Tyson Gay no where near his best form, Usain Bolt had the stage all to himself. And boy, did he kick his amazing Beijing journey off with an, AMAZING performance 9.69, a new world record, and he was jogging towards the finish line in the last 20 meters. it was also the start of Jamaica running the track and field games in the marquee events of the 29th Olympiad.

Roger Federer wanted to win a Gold Medal badly. He did, but not in singles however. In probably more of a proper setting for him to win gold, he did it in doubles with friend Stanislas Wawrinka in an emotional 6-3, 6-4, 6-7 (4), 6-3 win over Sweden's duo of Thomas Johansson and Simon Aspelin.

Michael Phelps won his 7th gold medal in the 100 meter butterfly, out touching a very game Milorad Cervic of Serbia in a thriller.

August 17, Day 12

Shelly Ann Fraser became one of the darlings of the Olympics, as the 21 year old Jamaican continued what would be an amazing competition for their small country as she won gold in the women's 100 meters with a time of 10.78. But it gets better for the Reggae country, as Sherone Simpson and Kerron Stewart rounded out the podium for the country, and leaving America's Lauryn Williams, Muna Lee and Torri Edwards in the dust.

8 for 8!

With gold in the men's 4 x 100 meter freestyle relay, Michael Phelps plaed himself past Mark Spitz and into the kiss ass and thensome aduration of everyone in the media, sports journalists and clueless news journalists who know little about sports but try to cover it anyway (i.e. Kyra Phillips and the lovely but "homerish" Tamron Hall).

In tennis, three gold medals were given today after the Swiss won the men's double the previous day. Venus and Serena dominated Virginia Ruano Pascual and Anabel Medina Garrigues of Spain 6-2, 6-0 to claim their second gold medal together. Elene Dementieva defeated her countrywoman Dinara Safina to win gold after winning sliver in Sydney in 2000. And Rafael Nadal celebrated his new status as world number one with another massive victory on his resume, downing Chile's Fernando Gonzalez. Gonzalez won the bronze in singles and the gold in doubles with Nicholas Massu (who won gold in singles in Athens) four years ago in the Greece capital.

August 18, Day 13

"It's like all the helium went out of a billion balloons."

That is what the entire country of China felt when the supposed star man of these Olympic games, defending 110 meter hurdler Liu Xiang defaulted in the first round after realizing the severity of his Achilles injury would not allow him to run. The entire country (as were some of us) were definitely apart of a national nightmare.

Angelo Taylor of the USA was expected to be the bronze medalist behind Kerron Clement and Bershawn Jackson, no matter how the latter two finished. However, he changed that outcome by winning gold in the 400 meter hurdles, upsetting the younger favorites Clement and Jackson. It is Taylor's sceond gold medal, as he won in Sydney but failed to qualify for Athens.

The great (and VERY VERY confident) Yelena Isinbayeva won a second consecutive gold medal, as she cements herslef as the greatest female pole vaulter of all time, and she is still just 26. American Jen Stuczynski finished second, through her coach seemed to be bitter and unhappy about it, what a ridiculous moment it was.

Kexin He won on the Women's Uneven Bars in a tiebreaker decision over Natasha Liukin in the basic melting point of NBC's horrible show of bias for anything American at any time in this Olympics, even if it was beyound comprehension.

Emma Snowsill and Emma Moffatt of Australia won gold and bronze medals in today's Women's Triathlon race. The silver medal went to Vanessa Fernandes of Portugal.

August 19, Day 13
Utter heartbreak. Utter heartbreak.

That's the only thing you could say about Lolo Jones totally unfortunate luck in the women's 100 meter final, as her countrywoman Dawn Harper form St.Louis won Olympic gold medal. Harper, who barely finihed third at the trials, clocked in at 12.54. But the real story was Jones, who was two hurdles away form victory, only to clip the pennultimate barrier and literally become the saddest moment of these games outside of the Bachman tragedy in men's volleyball.

The curse continued for the US in track and field with Sanya Richards, a heavy favorite going into the 400 meter finals, faultering down the stretch as Christine Ohurugou of Great Britain proved once again he big race mettle by winning the one lap race. Richards claimed bronze, and obvious disappointment.

And in the men's 1500 meter final, Bahrain's Rashid Ramzi claimed gold at a time of 3:32.94. No Americans, including Bernand Legat and Olympic flag bearer Lopez Lomong, made the final.

And relief for Shawn Johnson (and NBC's talking points Al Trautwig, Tim Daggett, Elfi Schlegel, and Bella Cronoli so we don't have to hear them whining stupidity like they have done the whole entire damn tournament), as she wins gold on the balance beam, her first at thse oLympics games after getting sliver and bronzes all over the place.

August 20, Day 14- USANITY

Before his 22, Usain Bolt gave himself another birthday present along with his 100 meter mastery that will be probably his greatest he could ever give himself. Bolt cemented himself as not only the star of the Athletics, but just as much (and if not more) than Michael Phelps with an memorable, spectacular, and jaw dropping world record break of Michael Johnson's 19.32 mammoth 16 years ago in Atlanta in the 200 meter final.

The 19.30 Bolt ran made him the only man to break both world records at the Olympic Games in history, ahd he joins the legends Carl Lewis, Bob Hayes, Jesse Owens in the realm of the Kings of Sprinting.

Melanie Walker continued the "Jamaican Invitational" with a win in the women's 400 meter hurdles, as America Sheena Tosta finished in second to take the sliver.

Alessandra Sensini of Italy and Hong Kong's Yin Chan King were the victors in the sailing RS:X competition.

August 21, Day 15
Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica Again at the Bird's nest.

Vernonica Campbell Brown brought Alison Felix (and some US track fans fans) to tears by defeating her and everyone else again to win the women's 200 meters. Felix once again finished second behind Campbell Brown but never seemed like the dominant sprinter that she was last year in this event.

Lashawn Meritt defeated Jeremy Warner in their 400 meter duel, as the U.S. swept the podium with David Neville taking the bronze.

Dayron Robles probably cost himself a chance to reset his World Record just like Bolt but nevertheless showed his future greatness right now by winning the 110 meter hurdles easily in a time of 12.93. The two American Davids,Payne and Oliver, rounded out the medals.

The misery still continued for the U.S. through, as both men's and women's 4 x 100 meter teams failed to reach the finals of the event, dropping the baton on both anchor leg hands off. Total embarrassment indeed.

Misty May-Teanor and Kerri Walsh continued their dynasty of "Greatest Women's Beach Volleyball Team Ever" by winning gold, defeating China's Jie Wang and Jia Tian in the finals.

Sweet redemption for Hope Solo and the US women's soccer team, as they defeated Brazil 1-0 to win another gold medal in a classic final. But make no moistake, Marta of Brazil showed why she is the greatest talent the women's game has ever seen, and that includes Mia Hamm.

The same happiness, however, was not to be located with the women's softball team, as their undefeated streak fell at the hands of Japan in possibly softball's last game ever at an Olympics (through all points lead to a possible revival in 2016, especially if the games are in Chicago).


Another day, another world record for Usain Bolt of Jamaica, closing out his Olympics by neing a key part of their world record time in the 400 meter relay. Asafa Powell led the anchor leg to clock in at 37.10, as the Reggae Boys capped a great Olympics by beating another American record by .3 tenths of a second.

The Jamaician women, though, couldn't keep up the momentum, as they dropped the baton. Russia ceased the day, winning the race and taking gold, with Belgium second, and Nigeria third.

Phil Dalhausser and Todd Rogers of the United States defeated Marcio Araujo and Fabio Luiz Magalhaes of Brazil in the Beach Volleyball final.

Brazil won the bronze medal at the Olympics 3-0 over Belgium, with two goals from Manchester City forward Jo.

August 23, Day 17- USA Women's Basketball Supremacy Continues

Lisa Leslie has become the only person to win four gold medals at four different games in a team sport, as the USA women's basketball team continue their dominance with a 92-65 victory over rivals Australia. 33 straight wins for the USA.

Redemption of some sorts for the USATF, as both the men's and women's 1600 meter relays take gold. Sanya Richards had a dramatic last past on the straight away to win gold from her team and wipe away some of the disappointment from her open 400 meter performance. On the men's side, Jeremy Warner anchored the US in breaking the Olympic Record in a time of 2:55:39. Kenenisa Bekele stamped his brilliance, winning the 5000 meters to go along with his previous scalp in the 10000 meters.

Bryan Clay is a true gentleman and now, an Olympic champion, claiming gold in the decathalon.

And Argentina, behind a wonderful chip from Benefica's Angel di Maria, won another gold medal in men's soccer in a 1-0 victory over Nigeria.

August 24, Day 18- The Final Day, the Closing Ceremonies

It was not as easy as some thought, and Espana made them sweat, but Nike's Redeem team is truly a "Redeem Team", sort of. The USA men's basketball team return to the top of the medal podium with a 118-107 win.
No comments of course from Mike Breen and Doug Collins on Kobe Bryant's arrogance when he told the crowd to "Shhhhhh" by putting his finger on the lips. Neverthless, it saves the USA from being embarrassed. What coach could lose with this team? Let's be real now.

Instead of listing the top stars of the games, here are the athletes I felt saddest for:
1.Liu Xiang- Nuff said
2.Lolo Jones- Nuff said there as well, two hurdles form victory, and then tears of sadness out of nowhere
3.Alicia Sacramone- Though Lukin and Johnson made mistakes too, there was no bigger goat sadly in the women's gymnastics than Sacramone, who NBC and her coaches showed no love too.
4.Tyson Gay- Well, the hamstring injury was too great to overcome
5.Alison Felix- Classy sport, but obviously disappointed with her 200 meter result, as she was in terans after the race.
6.Jose Calderon- Toronto Raptors point guard hurts groin and is unable to play in the gold medal game aganist the US. And with how close Spain was, could he have made a difference?

And finally, the idiots of the games- Humbled by their stupidity, chastised for their craziness

Terrence Trammell- Tried to be political with the gask mask wearing, the two time sliver medals in the 110 hurdles gets injured and doesn't make it out of the first round. Word to the wise, don't egg on the karma of the Olympic games.
Liudmyla Blonska - Ukrainan sliver medalist in the heptathlon tests positive and losses her medal. When will we all learn?
Alain Bernard - See way earlier up.
Ara Abrahamian - Swedish wrestler stripped of bronze medal after dropping it to signal a protest after a disputed loss.
Angel Matos and his coach, Leudis Gonzalez- Cuban taekwondo competitor permanently banned from Olympics competition after Matos kicked referee Chakir Chelbat.

Until London 2012, WE SAY GOODBYE TO the Games of the Summer Olympiad!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report- The "Out of Touch" Edition

Oh, what a week it was. The "John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report", right after we acknowledge our sponsors for this week.

Announcer's Voice
The "John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report," Sponsored by:





Let's begin. And remember, quotes from John McCain and the John McCain campaign that does speak for John McCain, as well as key titles, are in bold.

Before we get into the "Housing-Gate Gaffes", there are two sets of other blunders from The Spatula that are also part of our show today.

The “I won the debate no matter what” Saddlebrook Gaffes
1.Maybe I meant Euros, or Pounds, or Monopoly Paper." Gaffe (A Carry Over From Last Week)
WARREN: Everybody talks about, you know, taxing the rich, but not the poor, the middle class. At what point, give me a number, give me a specific number. Where do you move from middle class to rich? [...]

MCCAIN: How about $5 million? No, but seriously, I don’t think you can, I don’t think seriously that the point is I’m trying to make, seriously, and I’m sure that comment will be distorted but the point is...that we want to keep people’s taxes low, and increase revenues. ... So, it doesn’t matter really what my definition of rich is because I don’t want to raise anybody’s taxes. I really don’t.

2. The "Keep My Name Out of Your Mouth" Gaffe
John McCain had the utter gall to name John Lewis, a Congressman from Georgia who has a historic Civil Rights track record, one of his closest advisors along with Meg Whittman and not surprisngly, General David Petarus.

“The three wisest people that you know that you would rely on heavily in an administration."

Lewis and McCain aren't friends. Hell, Lewis probably hates McCain. And he made sure with this response that it would behove the Arizona Senator not to mention his name again.
“Sen. McCain and I are colleagues in the US Congress, not confidantes. He does not consult me. And I do not consult him.”

3. The "We, I mean, 'They' voted on bears and it bares with Congress" Gaffe
McShame hypocrisy hits again, thanks to MSNBC's Hardball
McCain voted in favor of the project because it was part of a large spending bill with the bear project. Back in 2003, McCain could have blocked the project, but instead, he didn't. Yet, he blames Congress (which he forgets that he is apart of) for this bill?! Anybody with a rational soul could see through this A-hole.

The Keith Olbermann Smackdown Gaffes

4. The "Cone of Listening to an Abba song on the Radio" Gaffe
5. The "He Ain't One of Us so He Doesn't Care About Us" Gaffe
6. The "Mrs. Alan Greenspan, whose husband is a Republican economic hero for keeping us rich and pompus, but she's bias liberal reporting" Gaffe

Olbermann will explain them to you down below if you haven't seen his classic slapdown on McCain yet, but here's the quick preview for those who don't know. Number 4 is the horrible management at the Rick Warren's Saddlebrook forum last week in Orange County, California, when Warren promised that McCain was going to be in a back room secluded while Barack Obama took question from Warren. Turns out, he wasn't even in the BUILDING!

Number 5 is his lies, distortions, and utter usual BS about Obama not being for the troops but for his own politicial gain (i.e. calling him basically a traitor, which is the most excoriating thing a presidental candidate can say to another, or any politician in any country to another.)

And Number 6 is the SOP's latest "liberal media bias" asinine cliam to take the pressure of their pathetic candidate.

We'll take a commercial break, and when we come back, the highlight of our episode. The "Housing, Out of Touch" Gaffes

We are back.

And now, the Housing, Property, Homes Special Edition of the Program

On August 21, John McCain would had officially, if it shouldn't have already, ended his Presidental campaign with this disastrous moment of all disastrous moments under a sane, fair, and down right good media world. Instead, this is the only consolation, as the race continues. But, oh, it is a spectacle and a story that will never be forgotten from anyone, FOREVER. You just can't make these gaffes up. Here's 7, 8, and 9 (probably still less than the number of houses he has).

7. The "Now Rev. Wright, Rezko, and Ayers is Fair Game" Gaffe

"Awwwwwwwwww" and "F---" was indeed the reaction from the "greatly exaggerated" Maverick one and his Low Road team, and what do they decide to do in order to fix this "out of touch" image now placed on McCain instead of on "from the bottom to top" Obama? They do this:

8. The "Driver, Can We Go to a Drive Through Window at Starbucks" Gaffe

Yes, McCain went to Starbucks in his Limo. At least that's BALLINNNNNN!

(From NMDAD)

Paris, eat your heart out!

9. Then "Oh, the Cars Too" Gaffe
In our News interview, he was asked what kind of car he drove. As with Politico’s question about home ownership, he didn’t know and had to ask a nearby aide. “A Cadillac CTS,” she told him. But then the senator was quick to point out that he had bought his daughter a Prius — the prefect (sic) halo symbol for his green pretensions. [...]

More fan's photos, from Miasmo

And from Kingoneeye

Inspred from a McCain comment in January:
10. The "Don't Ask Me to Send You to a Salvation Army Shelter While I asked You to be in THEE Army" Gaffe
"Even if the economy is the, quote, number one issue, the real issue will remain America's security," [McCain] said. "If it's not the most important issue in the minds of many voters, America's security will remain the number one issue with me. And if they choose to say, 'Look, I do not need this guy because he's not as good on home loan mortgages,' or whatever it is, I understand that. I will accept that verdict. I am running because of the transcendent challenge of the twenty-first century, which is radical Islamic extremism, as you know."

And finally, because there aren't any public gaffes to report on, unbelivably, for the rest of the week, the last one.

11. The "Dog always eats my..... I just can't study for test because I.....I'm too short to play sports so I.....I can be like Giuliani and list because I...........I'm not going to give you excuses but I'll give you excuses" Gaffe(s)

Well, they will use this the rest of the way for every mistake we mention here. For a visual look to those who may not know what I'm talking about, here is more fan photos, thanks to TBCTBC)

And on that note, we leave you with this week's Reading Rainbow moment:

And remind you to never forget how many keys or homes you have:

See you next week on "The John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report." Sha-la!

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